So, what does the title Depression, Frustration, and Exhaustion have to do with RA? Imagine waking up one day and your life has completely changed, or better yet, it takes it's sweet time strolling throughout your days, slowly eliminating one thing after another. That is RA/RD. As time passes, you realize that things you used to take for granted are becoming more apparent as you struggle to get through your day. Waking up becomes a chore unless you have 12 or more hours of sleep, unless of course you are going through the sleepless phase, again.
You start to suffer from Frustration first...once you worked 12 hour days, cared for your family, cooked, cleaned, canned from your garden. And slowly you realize that one thing after another goes because after working just 8 hours, you must nap. Dinner?? Hope my family doesn't mind takeout again, sweeping can wait. Garden? Now containers because you can no longer keep up with weeding or even watering.
Next comes Depression...can't keep up with life's demands, can't fight the tiredness. Tired of being tired. No interest in much of anything. This is life? You begin to think of what was, what is, and sadly what will never be. Life just doesn't look happy anymore. Staying in your bed is appealing. Dishes pile up, dust bunnies take on a life of there own, and you just have no interest in anything anymore. Oh yes Depression is a scary, sad, lonely place. No one is harder on you than yourself. Everyone around you has no idea, because you smile on the outside. And the few people you let in, worry about your state of mind. Sometimes making it worse because they love you so much...How can you...I see myself as your burden.
Finally Exhaustion...If you sleep too little or too much, you're tired. Have a good day and clean the kitchen..finally finding your sink, the next day your exhausted. And the day after that. It seems to never end.
Of course there are days when the planet's and stars align. On those days, living with RA/RD isn't any easier, but it is more tolerable. Surrounding yourself with others who understand your highs and lows, having access to help both virtual and real, and having family who are understanding and supportive are all key to not suffering in silence. It's okay to visit sadness once in awhile. It's okay to get angry at this disease. It's okay to miss the old you, even mourn the loss of the old you. Just don't stay there. Dry your tears and pick yourself up. We are strong, we are warriors. Gentle hugs today and much love. 🐔🐓🐥
